Sunday, 30 September 2007

The Brighter Side To Life!!

After having a crappy week, I have decided this morning that everything has to get better.

Yesterday, I had a brilliant day and it has made me realise that life is great and you have to make it great by doing what you want and also enjoying every moment!!!

So today on my blog I'm going to tell you all about the brilliant time I had in Somerset and also the most rocking time I has yesterday, starting with the AFL grand final and also the amazing rock concert I went to last night with my brother, Anthony!!!

So sit back and enjoy seeing the fun side to my life which I love and appreciate right now!!!

It was so cool seeing these guys in concert and to Blow our minds even more Paul Mac was playing with Silverchair!!!

There is nothing better then seeing a band live and rocking out to some amazing music!!!!!

Our Trip To Somerset ,To The Girls

17th of September


On Sunday night the night before leaving to see the girls up north, I was busy packing for the kids and I. I knew that we would have to hit the road early so it meant that the packing had to be done the day before. After finally packing, it was time to settle the kids and get them off to bed so that the trip wouldn't be to much for them.....Well lets just say they found it hard to sleep and so did I. We were all nervous, I was nervous because I have never driven so far before and for so long. I was also nervous about taking my new car on such a long drive. (but I was so glad we were traveling in it and not my old bomb....LOL)
We hit the road at 8 and there was no turning back now. On the way up we played the old game of how many road kill were on the side of the road......(total 19 that was up and back.....LOL)
We stopped twice on our 3-4 hour drive, once at Campbell Town and that was at 9.30. The kids loved getting out of the car for a half hour rest and I appreciated the break as my Bum was getting numb already...LOL (oh I forgot we had to have an emergency loo break for Sarah she as busting to go it was a good thing I packed the potty and the was just before we got to Ross....LOL)

It was time to hit the road again and this time we were going to try and do the rest of the trip with out any more stops (well thats what I thought...LOL)
We got as far as Latrobe and we has to pull over, my ass was beginning to go numb again and Grace was busting to go to the loo. Latrobe is a pretty little town they has only one main road and you wouldn't believe it I couldn't find the toilets and some were for the kids to have a play. So we stopped at the first shop there and asked for for directions. The lady at the shop was lovely and gave us a loaf of bread for the kids to feed the duck at the river. So this was a last stop. I rang Alli to tell her where we were and she said that we were only 45 minutes away from Somerset and that just blew my mind.....So it was a quick feed the ducks, eat an icy pole and toilet break and then it was on the road again.
We finally arrived at Allison's house at 1.30 and it was a blow out. I had seen Alli's house only in photo's and to be there sitting inside her house and having lunch was unreal. I so do love your house Alli, its so homely and well loved.... :D I also got to me the infamous Dwayne (Alli's Hubby) Dwayne is lovely and friendly. I also got to meet Alli's mother inlaw and also Alli's son Blake who is a lovely boy too. I can see a friendship between our to families for a long time.
It was great to be there with Allison and her family and to just relax and have a coffee after such a long drive. We sat around for a good part of the afternoon chatting and catching up then it was almost time to head to Marion's house. But before we did that Alli took us to the beach to get some pics and also to a park for the kids to have a bit of a play.
When we got to Marion's place it was time to unpack the car and get the kids settled before the Drinking began. My children were wrapped to spend time with Marion's girls as the last time they were down here they had visiting to do and didn't get much time with them. Tracey and her hubby and kids were coming up after dinner and there was going to be a goog time had by all...hehehe
Mazz and I popped out to the shop while Alli and Gazz stayed home with the kids, so I got to see the main drag of Somerset. (one street town....hehehehe I'm such a city slicker....LOL)
While down the road Mazz showed me the Stamping Bug which is the girls scrapping store up there. It was exciting knowing that the next day we were going there and doing some shopping.
When we arrive back from being down the road I was surprised to see that Tracey was already there, and even though I told Tracey not to be nervous with meeting me....I suddenly had nerves meeting her...LOL. I walked into Marion's house with a bit of shyness, but hey after a few cruisers, Tracey and I got to talking and she is one brilliant chick. She has a great partner (Mick) and he was great fun to be around and I got to meet 3 of Tracey gorgeous children that she is alway scrapping about. Mazz's house was crowed with 11 kids and 7 adults and we had a blast taking pics of each other sharing a couple of drinks and having a good old sing on singstar....hehehehe (oh I have some videos of that to share with everyone....LOL)

The 3 Sarah's Alli's Sarah, My Sarah and Marion's Sarah


After waking up the next morning tired from the night before( and you can I tell why....LOL)
The girls had the day planned out for us.....It was breakfast first then Mazz, Alli and I were off to the Stamping bug, Gazz stayed at Mazz's with the tribe. I was like a kid in a candy store see all the gorgeous product that the stamping bug had. I just keep piling items on to the counter and was not keeping track of how much I was spending.....(Oh and it didn't help that the girls keep showing me more new stuff..LOL) Well $160 later I we walked out of there with smile's on our faces...hehehe
Then we came home packed the kids into two cars and head off to Devonport for some more scrap shopping and also to feed the kids at Hungry Jacks and take them to a play area up there called Jungle Gym's, While Alli and I went to Bev's for some more retail therapy, Mazz and Gary Stayed with the kids and watching them run round like chickens with there heads cut off. Alli and I had a blast at Bev's and I thought that I was quite a good girl and didnt spends as much money as I thought I would. (mmm is another $80 on top of $160 before....LOL)
Any way after spending an hour at Bev's we came and rescued Mazz and Gazz from the kids....It was funny they had just finished a coffee and the kids hadn't needed them at all....It was funny to see there read faced on the trip back home to Marion's the kids were quite and well worn out. That night at Marion's we just chilled and I got to catch up with Maryanne which was great.


Today was my last day with the girls and I felt sad to leave them!! knowing that I would get to catch up with them in ages was hard to come to terms with. I just couldn't believe how fast the time has gone. The kids were already talking about our next trip up there and they were all excited. Marion's and Alli's kid keep asking when they were coming down to see us...LOL
Alli had the morning planned for us before we left. We were going into Burnie to see her sisters gift store, Alli works there on the weekend and on days when she is needed. Gay's shop was amazing. It sold beautiful gift items and they were just putting out there new Christmas decs. Oh course i had to buy something there. So I brought some gorgeous chocolates for Lance and I brought myself a beautiful Christmas dec and a scented candle. It was cool going into Burnie for the morning it was just a shame the weather has turned crappy and that we need to hit the highway early because of a road closure. I would of loved to have spent more time with Alli walking around Burnie and seeing the sites of there city. As I followed Alli out of Burnie and on to the highway, I felt my heart go heavy. It was hard leaving the girls behind. I know that I have made friends for life with these girls and that I will treasure every moment with them!!!

Thursday, 27 September 2007

No Scrapping

Since the death of my brother I seem to not be able to scrap. When I think I can I just sit at my desk and nothing happens.
At this moment in time all I want to do is sit of an evening with Lance on the lounge and be comforted by the presence of him.
I have this urgency of scrapping an album for my brother and I cant even bring myself to do that. I worry that my work wont be good enough, that the journaling will be to hard. That the memories will be to painful......... I know that I have wonderful memories to cherish but the fear of cocking this up make me feel scared to even attempt to work on his album.
I hope that it will all charm down and I can put onto paper the feeling that I have for my baby brother and the memories I have to share with my children and that its perfect for me to treasure.


Tonight everything seems to be unfair.

This week I should of been on here writing about our trip up north to be with the girls there and instead I'm going to be writing about how unfair the world seems to be right now.
On the weekend there was a Murder here in Hobart, and being so close to home I felt worried and then when I was told on Sunday night that it was a mum from my children's school it made everything seem so wrong in the world. I felt a panic come over my body and it made me feel unsafe and not wanting to leave my house. I know that I couldn't do that and that I couldn't show my children the fear I felt at this time. If it wasn't for Lance and my children I would lock myself in my room and not leave or talk to anyone. The fear that swells inside me now is scaring me and I'm trying to be brave....But I am finding it so hard.

Today was the funeral for our dear friend and fellow member of our school community and I was asked if I would like to go. But I said no...The time between this shocking news and losing my Brother is just to much to handle. I knew that I couldnt be strong for the other mothers that would of been there and I knew that I wasnt strong enough for myself.

Everything seems to be so unfair right now.....Where are all the good people gone in the world.....Can someone tell me?????
I need something bright in my life right now and it seem that nothing is there.
How can I feel normal when bad things are happening like this.. Please tell me WHY??????

Saturday, 15 September 2007

Normality is the key

I have been finding that normality is the key right now I need for the healing process to start.

When I'm sitting around doing nothing it makes my mind wonder, then I have those questions again like why and is this all real.
I feel this hole in my heart right now and it makes it ache and then the tears fill my eyes. The lost of a brother seems so hard and it nothing I have ever felt before and wish never to feel this again. A link in our family has been taken away and I can feel it missing very day.
I was reading something the other day about grieving and it said that there are normally seven stages to grieving and I think I have been through them all and some of them seem to creep back in at time. I know that these feeling will be here for a while, and that is why I have made a conscious effort to get some normality back into my life. I sometimes wonder is it to soon, should I still be mourning the death of my brother. But as I said before in my last post that life still has to go on and if that means getting on with the normal things in life, then that is what I have to do.

I have just had the kids off on their first week of school holidays and I've noticed that having them home has brightened my day and they have made my mind more active in a positive way.
Before losing Chris the kids and I had organised a trip to go up north to meet up with Alli, Marion and Tracey and stay at Marion's place for a couple of nights. I was going to cancel it feeling the way I have been feeling. But luckily enough the girls said to still come and spend time away and have fun. Lance and I decided that we should still go and enjoy there company and plus it is a great way for me to spend more time with my wonderful children. So on Monday morning the kids and I will be leaving here at 8 o clock in the morning and we will be heading north.
So watch out girls the Cornish Tribe is on its way....LOL

Sunday, 9 September 2007

A good Day today!!

I seemed to have a good day today, life went on as normal and things rolled along nicely today!

Since the lost of my brother I have been finding it hard to get my head wrapped around getting on with life. At time I have this guilty feeling in my stomach and it makes me wonder if I should be doing what I am doing. But I know that if my brother was here with me he would say "stop being stupid and get on with the things your have to do".

After putting the photo tribute on here I had a really bad night and sat in bed crying and crying. I couldn't wrap my head around what had happen to him and also that he was gone......The big question is WHY all the time. I know that no one can answer it for me and that I should cherish every moment we had together and never forget what a great life he had and how much he love me and my children.

The fears that I have at this moment is that I will forget how he sounds......I had only talked to him on the phone a month ago and he sounded so great, and he told me that he was doing so well in Perth. The thought that I cant talk to him anymore scares me!

I know keep a journal and I write to Chris every night, just telling him of our day and the feeling I have inside for him. I feel as though I need to do this for myself and for Chris so that he know that I wont forget him and that I will love him like a big sister always.

Saturday, 8 September 2007

Letters to my brother

These are the last messages my babies had for there Uncle Christopher.

They just prove the fact that they love him as much as me !

Friday, 7 September 2007

My Baby Brother

I would like to pay tribute to my baby brother tonight, with a slide show of his life!

Christopher was tragically taken from me and my family on the 21st of August 2007.

I will miss you mate forever and you will be in my heart until I leave this place called earth!!!!

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